Time heals all
You know I didn't realize it had been almost a year since the last posting. I have gotten a lot of compliments and comments on the topic of life with a narcissistic person. It has been almost three years since my relationship with this type of person, and I promise to each and everyone of you life goes on. I also understand the pain that many of you express in your comments and emails.
I can honestly say that my relationship with my narcissist was one in which I had many high points, and their were many, many low points. This came home recently when planning a vacation with friends to a place I had been with this particular person. Now I have been back to this vacation spot with other people but there are some moments with that person that have turned into a chuckle now. Did I ever think that would happen? No.
Honestly the turning point in my relationship with that person came from reading about personality disorders and journaling. I journaled every day that I could to track what was going on, what was being said. I also kept all emails and instant message conversations as well. These were important, because I could see in black and white what was being said, and then later just show that person what was being said. This helped me to realize this relationship was not healthly.
My next plan of action was reading up on this disorder, and realizing that you can not make this person better. Any efforts in doing to are completely wasted. In most normal relationships where people care about each other if you tell someone something is bothering them, they are likely to work on things with you. Think about it, would a person that you are involved with said hey stop stepping on my toe it hurts, and you replied no, I want to step where I wanted to. What would the other person think, they would think man, I am not going to continue to be around that person if they are always stepping on my toe. Your relationship with a significant other shouldn't be any different.
Once I realized I couldn't make this person any better, I began to cut my contact with them. It was difficult as he could be as charming as anyone. They have to be, they have nothing else to offer to anyone. The darn thing about it is they have had a lifetime to perfect their charm, and man, they have it. You have to cut yourself off from that person, and not pay them any attention. My particular relationship finally ended after being stalked, harassed by him, and others, when I got the police involved. If necessary I recommend law enforcement.
Then came the healing. It has been a long journey. I have continually tried equipping myself with good knowledge about relationships, and surrounding myself with healthy people. I promise you will eventually get to the point where you don't think about this person constantly. I promise that eventually you can chuckle about the weird things that happened in the relationship, and you will move on.